Power Of Praise – How to encourage positive behaviour in children and teens
What if I told you I'm going to show you how to use praise
effectively? I hear some of you saying but I already use
praise! Yes but read on and you will be pleased you did.
First I'm going to explain why praise is one of the most
effective tools in raising happy, well-balanced children.
AND it's FREE!
Next I'll answer some questions I'm often asked by parents
about praising children.
Finally I'll demonstrate how descriptive praise will
motivate your child.
Why is praising your child so important?
Praising your child is important because:
It shifts your focus so you feel and view your child more
positively You demonstrate you've noticed and appreciate
his actions It makes him feel valued and builds up his
self-esteem It reinforces good behaviour because it teaches
him how we want him to behave
Four FAQ relating to praise
Does praise spoil children? Children are not spoiled by
praise nor do they only work for external rewards. On the
contrary children who receive little or no praise become
demanding or attention seeking.
Isn't praise manipulative? The purpose of praise is to
increase positive behaviour with the child's knowledge.
Everybody responds favourably to praise.
Shouldn't I wait until his behaviour has improved before I
give praise? To initiate a behaviour change a parent must
first praise the smallest positive actions as this teaches
a child how we want them to behave.
What should I do my child rejects praise? Some children
have difficulty accepting praise because they view
themselves negatively. However you can help improve their
self-esteem by continuing to praise and eventually your
child will enjoy being praised.
How to use descriptive praise effectively
Sometimes parents praise their children in ineffective
ways. Here are four ways you can maximize your
effectiveness in praising your child. Be specific, praise
appropriately, demonstrate enthusiasm and avoid mixing
positive praise with negative comments. Lead by example
model self praise for example, ‘I did a good job
redecorating the bedroom'. Children love to hear you
praising them to others.
Specific or descriptive praise ‘Good boy' or ‘well done' is
non-specific and therefore ineffective because such phrases
do not describe the behaviour you are praising. It is
rather more effective to say, ‘Good boy for tidying the
toys away when I asked' or ‘I'm pleased you ate all your
dinner'.
Appropriate praise It is important to praise your child's
behaviour when it occurs and when the behaviour is
appropriate. For example you would not praise your child
for writing their name if it was written on the tablecloth.
However you would praise your child for actually sharing
his toys with his friend. The knack is to catch them being
good, praise immediately and ignore low-level inappropriate
behaviour. Praising inappropriate behaviour is confusing
and misleading.
Demonstrate enthusiasm If you sound bored or look glum when
offering praise it will be ineffective. Praise is
reinforcing to children when it is delivered with eye
contact, a smile, energy, hugs and sincerity. However if
you are unused to giving praise it may sound artificial at
first but if you but persevere it will soon feel genuine
and natural.
Avoid giving praise and negative comments simultaneously
Some people fall into the trap of giving ‘backhanded
praise. For example saying ‘Thank you for singing to the
baby instead of hitting her as you usually do'. This has
the effect of being contradictory or feels to the child
like a put down. Don't make a sarcastic or critical remark
about old inappropriate behaviours as this negates the
positive reinforcement. If you sound discouraging your
child will stop trying.
To sum up….. Praise increases your child's self-esteem and
confidence It helps you view your child positively Catch
him being good and Praise immediately and consistently Give
positive praise Praise descriptively, appropriately and
enthusiastically Give eye contact, hugs, pats, kisses and
smiles with praise Model self-praise
Have you noticed that effective praise is a matter of
showing your child how you want them to behave? By
reinforcing their behaviour whenever they share, comply
with requests or use their initiative you socialise your
child. It's quite simple isn't it?
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Are you the parent your children deserve? Successful
parenting skills can be learnt. Let me teach you the skills
so you can be a great parent. Henrietta Joyce is currently
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