The Biggest Mistakes Children Make
Whether you are a parent, guardian, relative, or teacher,
would you like to help children avoid the biggest mistakes
they make which can hurt their self-esteem, physical and
mental health, success in school, sports, etc.? The truth
is that you can make a difference in their lives. Children
are depending on adults to teach and guide them.
As a former school teacher and Marriage, Family Therapist
for 27 years, I have had the opportunity to work with many
children of all ages, and I noticed similar problems. The
following insights and solutions can assist you to help
boys and girls to increase their self-esteem and success in
every area of their lives. The children are also more
likely to be physically and mentally healthier, because
they will feel good about who they are and what they are
doing.
1. Mistake: I am responsible for how people feel and what
happens to them.
Truth: We are only responsible for our thoughts, feelings,
and actions.
Action: Tell children that they are not responsible for
other people's emotional pain, arguments, illnesses,
accidents, and even deaths. The reinforcement of this truth
can prevent them from feeling they are bad and sabotaging
their success.
2. Mistake: To be a female or male, a woman or a man, I
have to be like my mother, father or guardian.
Truth: Children are entitled to be their unique selves.
Action: Encourage children to be who they uniquely are, and
tell them that they are okay.
3. Mistake: My parents, relatives, and teachers know
everything, and I am wrong if I disagree.
Truth: Parents, relatives, and teachers have learned a lot,
and they are human and can make mistakes, or be misinformed.
Action: Encourage children to voice their opinions, and you
will be amazed how wise they can be. Reinforce the value
of what they think and feel, and they will feel good about
themselves.
4. Mistake: I have to hide myself, please others, and
focus on being who adults want me to be in order to be
loved and accepted.
Truth: In order to be happy and successful, it is important
for everyone to be their unique selves, and feel loved and
accepted.
Action: Reassure the children that you love them, and you
want them to be who they are, and to follow their dreams.
5. Mistake: I feel better when I take my frustrations and
anger out on my younger siblings, and I bully other
children.
Truth: The negative behavior feels good on some level. They
feel powerful when they express their anger, instead of
feeling powerless because of their fears. However, their
aggressive behavior also causes children to be reprimanded
even more and/or feel guilty because they know better.
Guilt implies that they are bad, not okay, and hurts their
self-esteem.
Action: Help children understand that their anger is
covering up their underlying emotions of fear, hurt, or
powerlessness. Teach children by your words and actions how
to express their frustrations and anger in constructive
ways. It is also helpful to find out what fears or hurts
are causing their negative behavior and assist them to
resolve the issues.
6. Mistake: I have to conform to peer-pressure to be
accepted and okay.
Truth: When you do things that are against who you are, you
give up a part of yourself and it does not feel good. On
the contrary, it feels good to be true to yourself.
Action: Help children feel good about themselves with
compliments, hugs, appreciation, acknowledgement, and
verbally expressing your love. When they like and love
themselves, they are less apt to succumb to peer-pressure.
7. Mistake: I believe what others say without checking it
out with myself.
Truth: It is important to trust your own feelings and
thoughts and evaluate if what you hear is true for you.
Action: Support your children to think for themselves and
to trust their feelings, which are just as valid as anyone
else's.
8. Mistake: I don't trust or follow my intuition.
Truth: Everyone is intuitive, and it is the all wise part
of us. It can protect and guide us.
Action: Help children open up to their intuition and
encourage them to follow it.
9. Mistake: I compare myself to others.
Truth: We all have our unique strengths, talents, and gifts.
Action: Discourage children from comparing themselves to
others. Encourage them to always do their best and tell
them that they are okay just the way they are. That will
help them feel better and focus on who they are.
I believe that adults optimally serve children when they
prepare them for life. That means modeling and teaching
them how to be honest, deal with money, communicate
constructively, create healthy relationships, take care of
their bodies, problem-solve with win-win solutions, play
safely, learn from their mistakes, and love themselves.
Boys and girls are depending on adults to nurture them
physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and
when they are ready, encourage them to fly from their nests.
----------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2007 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a
Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker,
and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!”.
She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3
audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free
newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.
.
