Bonnie Foshee
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child and Keeping the Upper Hand
If you haven't experienced it for yourself, you've seen its
effects. You've seen the haggard, weary-looking faces of
countless mothers trudging through the grocery store aisles
holding the hands of little ones wearing that triumphant
"I've just got my way, again" smirk.
You've seen grown women brought to tears in the check out
line or at the doctor's office by a small, wriggling,
screaming body that just won't seem to quit. And while you
may feel lucky that you escaped all of that torture, don't
congratulate yourself just yet. Your time for dealing with
a strong-willed child may be quickly approaching and you
will need all of your parenting skills to cope with it.
When talking about strong-willed children, there are two
age brackets that pop into mind very quickly: the terrible
twos and the always-torturous teenage years. While you may
think that these two ages require completely different
parenting approaches, they do not. Of course, the language
that you use will change, but the basics for parenting
strong-willed children stay the same no matter the age.
The key to parenting strong-willed children is consistency.
Sounds easy, huh? Well it's not. Children have a way of
wearing you down until you just want whatever it is they're
doing to stop. Sometimes parents tend to cave or give in to
their children just to bring the conflict to an end. This
is the worst possible thing that you can do when dealing
with a strong-willed child because it just reinforces that
their negative behavior evokes a positive outcome.
To show children that their antics are not going to have
any effect on your decisions, you must consistently show
them that you mean what you say. Don't bend the rules or
let punishments slide no matter how tough it gets. While it
may be rough in the beginning, the more that your child
sees that you will not be swayed the more he or she will
listen to you without putting up a fight.
Do not fight with your child. When nerves are strained and
tempers flare, it can be very easy to fall into a pattern
of fighting with your child. Avoid this at all costs.
Always try to remain calm and unruffled, at least in the
presence of your child. In order to do this, you will need
patience. Don't be afraid to take a break when things get
too tough. Walking away from the situation for a few
minutes of peace and quiet is often all that is needed to
strengthen your resolve.
In addition to following these parenting tips yourself, be
sure to bring the co-parent and grandparents in on the
plan. If everyone in the strong-willed child's life uses
the same approach, the child will have to buckle down and
follow the rules.
On the upside of things, strong-willed children generally
become highly motivated, successful adults. They usually
have high-self esteem, high energy, and extreme
intelligence; they are just lacking the skills to contain
their own greatness and let it shine when and where
appropriate. Keeping this in mind, try not to brow beat
your children into submission. Instead, lovingly show them
how to control emotions and how to properly assert
themselves.
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Bonnie Foshee
Parenting Expert
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