Helene Rothschild
 
 
 
The Spoiled Child Syndrome
Were you an only child, or the first or last offspring who
received a lot of attention from many family members? Or
did you have a professional nanny to take care of you? Did
you get everything you wanted whenever you wanted it?  Do
you believe that everything is coming to you and everyone
should put their needs aside for you to be pleased?
 
If you are, you may be suffering from the spoiled child
syndrome. As a Marriage, Family, Child Therapist for many
years, I noticed that the clients who were spoiled had a
very difficult time in their lives. They had inadequate
people and coping skills. Unfortunately, without that being
their intent, the parents did not prepare them for life.
 
Generally speaking, I found the men and women to be
emotionally weak and lacking self confidence; especially if
their parent or parents gave them all they needed and
wanted even in their adult life. They were not taught to be
considerate of others and did not understand what was wrong
and how to fix the problem. They also often did not know
how to manage their finances.
 
The scenario was something like this. When they went to
school and had to deal with other people beyond their
family, they had a rude awakening. It was strange to them
that others would not cater to them. In fact, their self
centered behavior caused them rejection and shook their
self-esteem.
 
Of course it affected all of their relationships, including
their romantic ones. They often tried to numb their
resulting pain and loneliness with addictions-workaholic,
overeating, gambling, drugs, tobacco, or alcohol.
 
An example is John, a 55 year-old ex-neighbor. When he was
a child, he received everything he wanted. John's mother
was overly giving and his father was very busy most of the
time achieving wealth for his family. The young boy's nanny
was instructed to please him and keep him happy.
 
Unfortunately, John suffered from the spoiled child
syndrome. He never married and was always trying to "buy
people" with his money. He also became an alcoholic,
gambler and prescription drug addict.
 
The truth is that John felt very insecure and lacked the
social skills necessary to create healthy friendships and
relationships. He also did not know how to manage his money.
 
When his widowed mother died and left him a million
dollars, John bought five houses, two cars and a motor
home. He did not have a job or a way to bring in an income.
However, he continued to try to attract friends by being
overly generous. Ironically, his low self-esteem and poor
social skills would then push them away.  When John had to
sell a home or car to have the money he needed to live, he
then also gambled away his profits. The last I heard of the
troubled man, he was homeless and living on the beach.
 
If you relate to the spoiled child syndrome, it is not too
late to improve your life.  The following are some helpful
suggestions.
 
1. Realize that you are special and so is everyone.
 
2. Know that we are all equally important and deserve to be
heard and considered.
 
3. Express what you would prefer (avoid demands) and ask
the other person(s) what they would like.
 
4. Honor other people's beliefs and desires.
 
5. Look to complement others.
 
6. Be generous with your time, energy and things.
 
7.  Be considerate of others needs and wants.
 
8.  Make sure that there are win-win solutions.
 
9.  Take classes and/or read books on how to manage your
finances.
 
10.  Learn good communication skills.
 
11.  Increase your self-esteem with books, classes, and/or
counseling.
 
With these healthy goals in mind, you can overcome the
spoiled child syndrome and experience joy and success.
 
 
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Copyright 2006 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, a
Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker,
and author. Her newest book is, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!”.
She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3
audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free
newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.